Courting 101: To tell or not to tell your friends?

Friday, October 28, 2011

I'm posting this absolutely unrelated photo of Katy Perry because I love Katy and I love Kisses. Here she is with Kisses for a bra called "Katy's Kisses". Enjoy. (Photo c/o Rolling Stone)

It's been an ongoing topic between Daniel and I, actually. We would share stories from experience and observation, and exchange acquired DAMOVES skills and laugh at them after. But mind you, these conversations would actually be very intellectual and thought-provoking!

Now I wish to share with you our genius conversations. You may freely butt-in. Foreign readers, not like I have a lot though but, I burst into sudden Tagalog when I emphasize something. Just giving a heads up.

And ready.... go!

Topic #1 : To tell or not to tell your friends?


As a guy, do you tell your friends that you're courting this "heavenly angel from above"? OR do you keep it on the down low, for personal purposes... then surprise them? KABLAM! "I have an angel for a girlfriend, my friends!!!!"

In my opinion, courtship needs not be public unless you're getting paid for it. You don't need to tell anyone you're courting this girl, and the girl doesn't need to tell anyone you're courting her. There's no point really! Say you share it with your BFF or parents, or anyone of equal importance, that's all good in the hood. But telling your whole barkada or school or barangay... wait... what is your problem?

 We noted down several reasons why anyone could possibly want to set courtship public:

For the boys:
1.) DIBS - So no one else will come close. Well, not in your group of friends anyways.
2.) POGI POINTS - Super pogi points diba, say if you're courting a Megan Fox of a girl and all your friends are rooting for you?! Ang gwapo mo. Nakakaasar.
3.) SUPPORT TEAM - So your friends and any one else who seems to care can root for you and help* you.


For the girls:
1.) DIBS - So no one else will come close. Well, not in your group of friends anyways.
2.) POGI POINTS - Girls have pogi points, too! Or... I hindi ko lang alam yung female term. Yeah, that might be it. BUT, similarly, girls tell their girlfriends their being courted by this guy (or in some cases, a couple of guys) and it boosts self esteem like woah!
3.) SUPPORT TEAM - So your friends and any one else who seems to care can root for you and help* you.

Notice the asterisk on the word help.

I'm pretty sure that it's done in good faith or intention, but in most situations, when friends begin telling you what to do and what to say, it's going to be for their pleasure. It's because that's how they want it to roll. Emphasis on TELL YOU. Iba ang pag tinanong mo, of course!

Pero, please naman, kung magtatanong ka ng advice, magtanong ka sa isa or dalawang pinaka-pinagkakatiwalaang tao mo nalang. At wag yung, hihingi ka ng advice tapos di mo manlang i-heheads up sa kanina na hindi mo pala susundin.

Going back to the point, unless you're really immature in your decision making (not that anyone who was immature would be aware of that), you don't need so many people telling you how to run your love life. That's when "help" takes its toll and rolls it's way to disaster.

Don't doubt yourself. Especially when it comes to intuition and feelings. I'm sure all of us were blessed with common sense. Some people just.. haven't opened that gift yet.

Just so you know, not all girls like it when you're telling your friends who you're courting. I actually get annoyed when someone says... "Pwede ba manligaw? (Can I court you?)"

I hate knowing when someone is courting me. It makes me feel as if there's a catch to everything he's doing for me.

And on that note, every good thing I welcome from him would suddenly be taken into account like I suddenly have to pay him back. My being receptive would, in his head, equate to me giving him a chance.

Oh so, nilibre nya ako ng Grande Toffee Nut Latte. Ininom ko.
Yes, sasagutin nya na ako! - Boy

I have no ride going back home. Naki-hitch ako.
Yes, sasagutin nya na ako! - Boy

Nag-reserve sya ng seat sa caf para sakin. Umupo ako.
Yes, sasagutin nya na ako! - Boy

E, hindi ko sinagot? Ako pa naging user ngayon.

As much as possible, don't accept Starbucks Frapps, flowers, jewelry, load, car rides and the like... unless you REALLY need one.

Which brings me back to my point that if you're courting me, I DON'T WANT YOU TO ASK ME. And it might be the same for any other girl, it might not. Can't you just rely on your own suave and charm and have a girl fall in love with you naturally? Do you really have to ask?

And do you really have to tell your friends?

xx C

7 comments:

  1. But there are some girls who will say:
    "nanliligaw ka pala? hindi mo naman sinabi eh"
    What do you do about that then

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have had my fair share of "Pwede ba manligaw?" lines thrown my way. It may purely be a coincidence or a fact of life, but every guy who asked me this got shot down in the end (I think it's the latter).

    In my mind, you don't need to ask permission. Not because I'm automatically granting you permission, but because I'd rather you let your actions, most especially the little things, speak for themselves.

    In my mind, COURTSHIP is a completely different thing from DATING. One is a one-way street while the other is two-way. Know which is which.

    In the chance that the "Pwede ba manligaw?" question was answered with a "Yes.", then it would establish the fact that the label is now "Courtship", trying to win the attention and affection of the person in question. It's always gonna be a best foot forward; the person doing the courting would end up:

    (1) Trying to impress and please, doing errands, holding things, giving things, being the unofficial chaffeur and doormat (which is, depending on the girl, actually a trap, which may lead you to end up in the "Butler Zone", which is shit worse than the feared "Friend Zone".)

    And the one being courted would either:

    (1) Amp up the charm (arte) and try to achieve a sense of consistent beauty and fabulousness so as to constantly remind the boy why he's in the middle of all this shit in the first place (which would convince the boy that she's a manipulative and heartless gold-digger, when the eventual dumping happens).

    (2) Coldly ignore the advances, do a Christopher Lao and say that she was not informed (which would make her a heartless bitch since she did say "Yes, you can make ligaw.").

    (3) Feign obliviousness, continue to be nice and sweet and treat him the way (which would make her a "paasa".)

    Like I tweeted, this is just the shallow tip of the iceberg. There's so many possibilities and reasons, all depending on the people involved. I dare not specify all dahil hindi kaya nang powers ko. Haha! Dating scene, Y U MUST BE SO CONFUSING HUH?

    Let's say that the given above scenarios are true, it will just prove to be a facade or one dimension of a character. Eventually, when the objective is attained and a relationship is formed, what will happen when the flaws (from both parties) are shown?

    "You're not the person I fell in-love with!"

    No shit, Sherlock.

    Unless the person is able to prove that the "perfection" is true and sincere and forever, this will only end up to a breakup.

    *INSERT THE EPIC SHOOT-SA-BANGA MOVIE THAT IS (500) DAYS OF SUMMER*

    I proclaim this discussion delicious. More servings, per favore?

    P.S. Having run through this comment, I realize that I am very very grateful that I didn't go through this stage with my guy. What started as a flirtation with no expectations evolved and grew on its own. Compromise, acceptance of flaws and all. Just as it really should.

    ReplyDelete
  3. With all due respect Anonymous, most women are blessed with perception in one form or another. I highly doubt that the girl was completely oblivious to the boy's objectives.

    But if you have other thoughts about it, please do indulge us. Discussions and debates are <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't think anyone would have to tell their friends their courting Katy Perry. They would find out a day later in a tabloid magazine. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Anon! :) Yeah, merong mga ganun. I think it's more of making the girl feel like you have something for her rather than telling her. Well, it's MY preference. Some girls... as obvious as your "courting" may be, still tend to go oblivious and pretend or not know at all! It's knowing as much as you can about the girl which will tell you what to actually do in that case. Girls like me don't like to be told, some girls do. And if she's the type who's really not good at reading signs and such, I think it's okay that you tell her that you're feeling something for her.

    Either way, I don't think you have to ask her I guess. She'll know.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Glerren! Thank you so much for sharing! :) Your comments really make my posts complete. :D

    And I truly agree with everything you've said! Wah! Grabe. :)) But alas, we can't generalize cause this may be true to some, this may not. But I would have to say that most of the time, it's what happens! Especially in the Philippines.

    It's also true what you mentioned about the ones being courted! They become so conscious that they're someone's center of attention, that they change!

    Yes, I didn't go through the same thing as well, thank goodness! But that's another story. :p

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love your tips. If it is "pogi points" for the boys then it is "ganda points" for the girls and for you because you are so beautiful.

    ReplyDelete